My Answer: Yes!

This last year when I was in school, I can't tell you how many times I turned down invitations to do things.  Often it was the nanny schedule, which usurped all my evenings, including Fridays. Just as often, if not more, it was the demands of schoolwork.  I don't have any regrets, but the simple fact is that 'No' was my answer to almost everything!

Well, now that it's summer, I get to say 'Yes'!  I'm still working full time, but evenings, weekends--it's all up for grabs!  And I have been taking advantage of it.  I get to be so much less discriminating about which activities I will choose to attend, since I have so much more time to do it all!  And I feel like I've done all sorts of random things in the last couple months: 

There was the Asian Street Festival, where I had a snow cone for the first time in years,

Contra dancing, about which you have read,

Cheese, appetizers & drinks sleepover at Jess & Joe's apartment in Vienna when Will was in town,

A visit to NYC for the weekend to visit my friend Darcy, who is interning there for the summer, and I also got to see my Peace Corps friends Chris & Jesika, who live there,

Last weekend my roommate had an extra ticket to a Baltimore Symphony performance of Final Fantasy music, so I went with her to that,

And tonight I'm going with some friends from work to my first Washington Nationals baseball game (they are playing the Braves and I'm so torn about whom to root for!)

Not to mention the happy hours, meals with old friends swinging through town, birthday parties, and dancing.  I love that when I get invited to do things, I get to accept!  And I love being able to take advantage of all the fun stuff DC has to offer.  Here's to summer, free time, and saying Yes!

With Jess & Carli at the cheese & appetizer extravaganza

With Jesika & Chris in New York

With Darcy in Times Square

2/5 of the World Vision Peacebuilding Team

Krystal & I at the Nats game

Where Idealism Comes to Die?

I recently heard someone say this about DC, and it made me question, where, exactly, does idealism come to live?  Does idealism live in the heart of Darfur?  In the IDP camps in Sri Lanka?  In the failed state of Somalia? Or does it live inside the walls of our churches, the halls of our Christian colleges, the yards enclosed by white picket fences of our suburbs?  If these are the only places idealism can survive, maybe idealism isn't much use to us after all.  Maybe, in fact, idealism needs to die.  

Is this completely cynical and jaded?  I hope not.  I don't feel particularly cynical nor jaded, and I'd hope that after just 28 years of life, I wouldn't be either of those two things.  Is it just realistic?  I don't like using that word, either.  (1) It carries connotations of a particular political philosophy to which I certainly don't subscribe, and (2) The word seems to be used whenever you want to imply that anything other than what YOU think (being realistic, of course) is not grounded in reality.  So no, I wouldn't say cynical, jaded, or realistic, but I don't know how I feel about idealism.

Processing out loud, I made the comment to a friend about idealism maybe needing to die, and he responded in shock that I, someone in the field of peacebuilding, could feel this way.  Why shouldn't I feel this way?  What is it about supporting peace that means I must be an idealist?  I am not in the field of conflict resolution because I hope for some naive, Miss America interview answer, utopian ideal of a perfect peaceful world.  I know this is not going to happen.  I'm in this field for the opposite reason: because I see mess and brokenness and war and suffering people all around and I think, we have got to do something about this.  To me, building peace isn't about idealism; building peace is hard work.  Plain and simple.

After a year of grad school, studying the contexts of places like Mindanao, Sierra Leone, Northern Uganda, Mozambique, Northern Ireland, Afghanistan, and Nepal, I think I may have become more of a pessimist about peace.  Conflicts are incredibly complex, and peace cannot be built in a day.  Some countries have been experiencing war for 30 years, and that kind of destruction, that kind of institutionalized animosity, cannot be reversed by one intervention at one point in time.  But am I deterred by this?  No.  In fact, the awareness of the great need motivates me to contribute my part.  To work hard.  To be faithful to do what I can to help.  I don't deceive myself to think my small contribution will fix everything, but I know that it is necessary.  

In some ways, I think idealism can also be dangerous.  When ideals are dashed, disillusionment can set in, and people might be tempted to give up entirely.  What is your response when faced with overwhelming brokenness?  Do you give up, or do you jump in and tackle the problem?  I may not be an idealist, but I am not without hope.  Hope that as I am faithful to what God has called me to, and as I trust Him with the results of my obedience, together we can make things at least a little bit better.  

Thoughts swirling around in my head these days...

My blog can be quite eclectic!  Sometimes you get well thought-out and organized papers I've written for school; other times, like tonight, you get a glimpse into the unformed, inarticulate thoughts of my journal.  As raw and nascent as it is, a little of what I'm thinking about these days...

Sometimes I am completely overwhelmed by the messiness of the world, and left clueless as to how to proceed and feel a bit defeated in terms of the task of redemption and transformation.  So much to unpack, so much mess rolled into one.  But I've remembered that my inability to know how to 'fix' a situation does not make it hopeless.  Thank God the future of the world does not lie in my ability to see a solution.  God has been dealing with mess and sickness and complete brokenness for millennia.  He is the King of this stuff.  He knows what He's doing.  So I trust Him.  He deals with mess with such patience, gentleness, compassion, and love.  I want to learn from Him in this way.

I realize how my mind can start whizzing, problem-solving, putting together solutions that will produce the result I think is best.  It is a temptation to then pray my agenda, because of course I see so perfectly how God might work, so God, don't You see it too?  Here is my wonderful plan for how You should work in this situation!  So I try to sell God on my plan, and I get attached to my agenda, and then disappointed when things don't work out the way I envisioned.  And I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with disappointment, but I do think there's something wrong with praying my own agenda.  That's why we die to our own imaginations, desires and burdens for what we feel we should pray.  So then we can engage with God's agenda, if He can be said to have one.  My agenda is limited and short-sighted.  God's agenda is infinitely more wise and loving and caring for the people involved than my own.  So I want to die to my agenda, and get involved with God's.

I also realized that I'm often tempted to tell people, "I trust you" and "I believe in you."  But I have to stop and step back and ask myself if I really do.  Those are nice things to say, but I realized that many times when I say them, what I really mean is, "I trust you... to do what I think you should do" or, "I believe in you... to do what I think is the right thing."  And that's dangerous because what happens when they don't do what you "trusted" them to do, but something else entirely?  That's not really believing in someone.  So I have to make sure that as I say I trust people, that I truly release to God my expectations, hopes, agenda for what they will do.  I don't want "I trust you" to send a message of implicit pressure to do or say any certain thing.  I don't want people to have to carry the burden of my expectations.

I've thought about my life and ways I've messed up and made choices that probably have not put me in the best position to speak into others' lives about certain things.  On one hand, constantly thinking that way could make you live your life with way too much caution.  But it made me realize that in all my choices, I want to be obedient to follow Jesus so that I am ready and positioned in the best possible way (a way only God can position me, in which I cannot strive to position myself) to speak into others' lives when God calls upon me to do so.  I want to be always ready, always prepared--a theme of Jesus' parables.  And the way to be ready and prepared is to be daily obedient and faithful.

This reinforces the principle that a large part of daily quiet times is that they are practice for times when "the shit hits the fan", so to speak.  It reminds me of the importance of daily faithfulness, practice listening, being transformed from glory to glory for the crises.  It totally connects to the idea of being prepared.  When life happens, you aren't scrambling to get your shit together and hear God; instead, you're already on His path, His wavelength.  You've been practicing and now it's game time, race time, whatever.

So when I pray, I strive to be cognizant of the fact that I need to keep praying and keep listening until God tells me I'm done for that time, and then that I need to give the burden back to God, knowing it's not mine to carry. I'm really glad God has the task of being in control, and not me.

Contra Dancing!

Contra dancing?  I had no idea what it was 48 hours ago, either, when one of my roommates invited us to come with her on Friday night.  At first, I thought she said 'country dancing' and I thought, 'There is NO WAY I'm going country dancing with you.'  But we cleared up that misunderstanding, and we went and had a fabulous time!

So contra dancing is basically a cross between square dancing and Elizabethan Jane Austen dancing, which sounds a little strange, but what a fun new thing to try!  You stand with a partner in two lines and dance your way up or down with other pairs along the way.  Having never done it before, and missing the lesson beforehand, it was an adventure, but still a blast, or what some of the people there would probably call a 'hoot'.  There were hundreds of people in this huge ballroom at an old amusement park all dancing the night away.  I will definitely be doing it again.  Another random thing to add to my repertoire of possible Friday night activities :-)

After just one night, I am certainly not the expert, but nonetheless I have a couple tips to pass along to would-be contra dancers:

1. Do not wear heels.  Heels are great for some types of dancing, but not for the contra.
   
2. Do not drink before you go.  With all the spinning and twirling, you really don't need any other buzz to contribute to the dizziness.
   
3. There is (probably) no need to be freaked out by the questionably sketchy middle-aged men asking you to dance.  Some of them are gay, and the rest are just there for the 'love of the dance'. Probably.
   

Hello Sweet Summer

It's hard to believe that a month ago today I turned in all those papers and finished my semester!  I'm certainly a bit behind on my promised summer update.  So I'll break it down into three main sections...

INTERNSHIP

In April I wrote a blog about trust, and how I was trusting God to make a way for me this summer, not knowing what it would hold in terms of an internship or a job.  Shortly after I decided to move out of my house and leave my nanny job, I was offered a full-time, paid internship at the Peacebuilding and Reconciliation department of World Vision International, an international relief and development organization.  Working 8-5 is an adjustment, but I love having my nights and weekends free.  Now two weeks into my work, I don't know if I could have found a better fit for my interests and skills.  I love my job!  First of all, it should not go unsaid that paid internships are nearly unheard of in this city.  It's such a blessing to be receiving a livable income along with my three units.  But I'm also so thankful that I'm doing an internship that allows me to make real contributions, not just serve coffee and make copies (note: I have yet to serve anyone coffee or make one photocopy).  The majority of my time is focused on supporting the Peacebuilding team's work facilitating conflict analysis workshops and updating an instability index that rates the relative instability of the 77 countries in which World Vision has offices.  The people I work with are top-notch and I'm enjoying learning from them as I experience how academic knowledge is translated into practice in a world riddled with complex problems.  

KATHY'S VISIT

One of the things I love about living in DC is that people actually come to visit me!  I've been thrilled to host Gloria and Steve this year, and to see numerous others who have come through the city for various reasons: various Peace Corps K-13s and 14s, Sarah Hawkins (McCord), Aunt Robyn, and my cousin Katelyn (and there are probably some I'm forgetting; forgive me!).  And this last week, it was my pleasure to host my Aunt Kathy!  It was such a blast to have her here, and to be able to put her up in my own place!  The timing of her visit worked out perfectly, since I am only renting this apartment for the month of May.  We had such a good time visiting, sightseeing, eating (LOTS of eating), and laughing.  I was so thankful for her generosity in paying for numerous delicious meals, Obama paraphernalia, books, groceries, and museum entrance fees.  We had so much fun sneaking food into the concert arena of Wolf Trap Park, watching a Memorial Day fireworks show to set to songs like 'Dancing Queen' and 'My Girl' (??!), traipsing around the city on foot and bus and metro, and laughing until our sides almost burst about 'Catflexing.'  I'm so glad she was able to come and spend a whole week with me!

MOVING

The short building in the middle is the apartment building I've been living in for the last month, viewed from the top of the National Cathedral.  Yes, my apartment is right across the street from this beautiful landmark, and in fact, I'm looking at it from my window as we speak!  It's been great to be here and have the apartment all to myself, but tomorrow I will say goodbye to Wisconsin Avenue and hello to my new place on the other side of town.  I'm moving into a house with a good friend from my program, Arnila, and two other girls in South East DC.  Though living alone suits my introvert proclivities well, I'm excited to have roommates again!  I'll be farther from school, but I'm looking forward to living in a more central area closer to Capitol Hill (and my internship) that doesn't feel so much like the suburbs.  I'm looking forward to living with some fun girls; I've missed having roommates over the last few years.

So that, my friends, is my overdue three-pronged update!  I give thanks to God for his goodness to me in so many ways.  He has provided everything I need and more this summer.  Smiles all around :-)    

Friends

I've been thinking lately about an aspect of true friendship for which I'm more and more grateful: Friends are favors.  Close friends are people you can call and, without any small talk, ask for help; they're the people who, when they ask you for something, your immediate response is 'of course'; friends do things for each other and don't have to be effusive about their gratitude, because that is just what friends do.  

Friends:

• take you to the airport, even at insanely early hours (sisters are friends, too).
• pick you up from the airport.
• let you wait until LOST is over to pick them up from the airport :-).
• are people you can call to look up directions for you on the internet when you're driving and lost.
• help you with your taxes.
• give you rides when you don't have a car, even when it's completely out of their way.
• take care of you when you drink too much (but of course that's never happened to me! ;-)).
• leave their house immediately to come meet you when you call in tears, no questions asked.
• pray for you when you need it.
• lend you things, like kitchen utensils and air mattresses.

Of course friends are more than just favors, but more and more I appreciate how the depth of relationship provides a platform for these simple things.  You need me?  I'm here for you.  I need you?  You're there for me.  Whether it's my taxes or my tears, I know you will give of yourself to help me.  Thanks so much friends.  

SURPRISE!... aka 'Home'

Surprising people is one of the greatest joys of my life.  That's why I was sooooo excited about three weeks ago when I decided to buy a ticket HOME.  I hadn't been planning on going home in May, but after I decided to move out of the nanny house, it was as if God put a little bug in my ear: "Lisa, why don't you go home for a few days after the semester is over?"  So I thought about it for a couple days, bought a ticket, and then didn't tell anyone besides Kristen about my trip. And it was wonderful.  I really don't think I could have found a more perfect time to be home.

When I asked Kristen if she could pick me up from the airport, her first response was excitement that I was coming, and her second response, when hearing I would arrive at 9:40pm on Wednesday, was, "Lisa, that's during LOST!"  I told her she could wait until LOST was over to come get me; I know she would have done the same for me :-).

I couldn't wait to surprise my mom and Suzanne.  With Suzanne's birthday on the 5th, Mothers' Day on the 10th, and Mom's birthday on the 14th, I split the difference but planned my trip to be able to celebrate with them.  I've missed A LOT of birthdays and A LOT of Mothers' Days and I was so glad I could make it home this year.  They were both sleeping when I arrived on Wednesday night and were quite shocked and a little disturbed to see me when I woke them from their slumber :-).  I think, "What are you doing here??" was the question of choice.

Thursday I spent the day with my bestest friend in the whole world and my 'niece' Evie, who turned 1 year old on the 4th!  So good to just BE with them--eating, talking, walking, drinking tea--as always.  And that day plans were in the works for the second big surprise of the trip.  I was legitimately so sad that I would miss Derek's graduation from FPU until I bought my ticket, and then I was fake-sad.  Hehe.  Because Thursday night, when Derek finished his last class and thesis presentation, I was sitting on his couch (thanks to Ralph!) shouting "Congratulations!" when he opened the door to his apartment.  I will say it's MUCH more fun to surprise people who are awake.  I'm pretty sure he stood in the door, mouth open, for at least 30 seconds while Ralph and I laughed.  You see, one of the greatest joys of my life :-)

Friday I spent the day with my mom, who took the day off work.  We had a huge and delicious breakfast at the Rodeo Cafe, did a little shopping, and then bought some fresh strawberries--yum!  Fresh produce is definitely one of the things I miss most about California.  That evening Suzanne and I had some quality sister-time over sushi and Bloody Marys in Tower, and then I met up with Derek, Ralph and Marky for some more drinks and a little bit of dancing across the street.  Fun times!

Saturday was the day of events!  It started at 10am with Randy & Angie's Discernment Group.  I didn't get to see them at Christmas, so I was so glad I got to be there for this AND that they decided NOT to move to Alaska!  Then it was off to a 12:45 hair appointment, which resulted in me now infamously going blond (an accident, I swear!), and then Derek's graduation!  So so glad I got to be there for this HUGE occasion!  Not to mention getting to see my pals Becky & Jen, and Derek's sister Cassy. From there it was straight to Suzanne's family birthday celebration at BC's, where I got to see my grandparents, my aunts, and Steve and Eric. And then it was off to Derek's graduation party at Plaza Ventana and the after-party at The Circle, where I got to see my girl Andi and do some shadow-box dancing. Lol.  SO MUCH FUN! :-)

Sunday was Mothers' Day, spent with Mom and Suzanne over brunch and games.  And did I mention I single-handedly assembled a patio table?  Then in the evening it was off to Grandpa Freeman's 85th birthday celebration!  Got to spend time with him, Dad, Sheila, Aunt Kathy and Clare, and Uncle Jess over Armenian food and delicious cake.  Followed by some delightful parking lot stalking with Becky & Jen.  Who would have thought the McDonald's parking lot would be such a happening place on Sunday night?

Monday was filled with people I love: coffee with Randy, afternoon with Kristen & Evie, dinner with Cass, Panera with Josh Schroeder, rounded out by Yodigity with Derek (and him pushing me around the parking lot in a Rite Aid shopping cart).  And Tuesday morning Suzanne took me to the airport and I flew home to DC.

One of the reasons I decided I'd like to have home be in the States is so I can be a part of important events and occasions.  Flying across the country may be difficult at times, but it's nothing compared to flying across the world, which is often impossible.  I'm so glad I didn't let three time zones keep me from being home last week for all the festivities.  Thanks God, for putting the bug in my ear.  And thanks friends, for making it so special!