Every Morning New

God could have set up the world in any number of ways, but it occurred to me recently how thankful I am that he built cycles into its design. Days & months & seasons & years. These built-in cycles carry with them the message that there are so many chances to start new and fresh--a beautiful picture of the heart of God. Things don't just go on & on forever & ever endlessly, but they start over all the time. The slate gets wiped clean and we have chances to do things differently. Thank God for fresh starts every morning.

Getting Older with Gloria

"We look older than we did a year ago."

"You're right, we do."

I love getting older with Gloria. It's now been almost 7 years since we met in 'The Cave' at ASP. Since then, our friendship has deepened over The Great North American Road Trip, several visits to Port Orchard, WA, a few visits to Fresno, a globe trotting adventure to Kyrgyzstan, countless hours of phone conversations, a visit to DC last year for my birthday, and on October 15, another visit to DC for HER birthday. It's the first time I've been able to be with Gloria on her birthday, and if it's possible, I think I love her more now than I did 2 weeks ago. Hers is a friendship I treasure more and more with time, as we grow and change and share together this journey of life. She is woven intricately into my story.

This last trip was such a sweet one. As DC succumbed to an unseasonably cold and rainy weekend, we spent countless hours curled up on the couch talking under blankets and over hot cocoa, catching each other up on life, reading journal entries, sharing our hearts. These are precious moments. 

As part of Gloria's birthday present, I spent some time stalking her friends on Facebook, asking them to write messages for her. As messages rolled in from all over the world (enough, in fact, to give her one every 10 minutes for 12 hours!), it turned out that I was perhaps just as blessed by these messages as Gloria was. I was reminded just how amazing my friend is, and how rich I am because I know her. Here is part of my own message to Gloria:

As messages came into my inbox one by one, I found myself doing what I've been trained to do as a grad student: noticing themes and patterns (I briefly considered developing a coding system for all the great things people have said about you and doing some statistical analysis to back up my qualitative impressions, but I thought that was a bit over the top :-)). So Gloria, this is what people say about you:

You are a beautiful woman who loves and trusts God with her whole heart, who is passionate about and dedicated to following Him. You are an inspiration to everyone you meet. your love and care for people, and the way you always put them before yourself is far beyond most people's capacity. You are constantly pouring into others, and so many people have been changed because of your investment. You care for the lonely and accept others without judgment. You have an impact on everyone you touch. You are kind, positive, generous and encouraging, always seeing and bringing out the best in people and inspiring them to grow and be better. You are intelligent, practical, ambitious, and a leader. And one of the things we all love most about you: you are FUN-loving and ADVENTUROUS! Gloria, there is quite simply no one in the world like you!

My dear friend, this is what people say about you, but it is what I say about you, too. THANK YOU for always listening to me and for walking with me through life without judgment. THANK YOU for being the first person I turn to when I want to process through an issue and get advice. THANK YOU for knowing me--the big things and the little things that make me feel loved. THANK YOU for being someone who always pushes me to seek and run after God with my whole heart.

Gloria, this is one of the things I admire most about you--the way you seek after God and embrace life with your whole heart. You always dive in fully to whatever is going on around you, whether that is people, events, or life lessons. Every time I talk to you, you have something to share about how God is working. God is always at work around us, and you are someone who is incredibly adept at seeing that work and joining in, wherever you are. That, my friend, is LIVING. I know sometimes you feel like you're waiting for God's ultimate plan to unfold for your life, but you are LIVING it right here and right now! You know how to LIVE under any circumstances, in any location. I believe that is really what life is about, and you, more than anyone else I know, have learned this, and continue to teach me to embrace every moment and learn every lesson and pay attention to every person, for God is continually at work and we have the privilege of joining in to further his Kingdom no matter where we are or what we're doing.

I LOVE YOU. I could not ask for a better friend in the entire world.

I hope 28 is the best year yet! To loving, and hoping, and growing into women who display God's beauty, and many more precious moments.

For those of you who don't know Gloria, I hope you get to meet her someday. I assure you, you will be richer for it!

This post actually has a dual purpose. I wanted to share about my time with Gloria and how grateful I am to have her in my life. But I also wanted to share a more specific story (which Gloria has given me permission to share) that impacted me and I think will impact you, too. On our last morning together, we were sitting on the porch drinking tea, and talking about the future. Gloria is in the midst of trying to discern what is next for her, as the current season draws to a close. She told me that when people ask her what the future looks like, she'll usually say something about international relations or serving abroad, and recently God spoke to her and said, "Gloria, either you need to do something to move yourself in that direction, or you need to change your story." And so together with God, she came up with 30 questions to think through in an ongoing conversation with Him, in order to gain perspective on what might be next. She was very clear in her understanding that these are not questions to try to figure out on her own, but to intentionally seek God about. She sent me the questions the other day, and I think they are so excellent, I wanted to share them with you all. Whether you are in a season of transition or not, I think we would all do well to think through some of these issues:

Ask God:

1. How have you made me?
2. What have you gifted me in?
3. What are my skills? What have you given me the opportunity to learn?
4. What are the things that evoke deep emotion within me? What are the times that I know I have felt your heart?
5. What opportunities have you led me in over the past 15 years?
6. What experiences/talents have you given me that would be of blessing or necessity/service to others?
7. What did you have in mind when you formed my body and breathed life into me?
8. What about my family did you desire to help shape who I am--how was my family part of your plan for my life?
9. Because of human brokenness what about my family experience do you want to redeem and lead me down a different path?
10. Are there negative thought, relational and career habits that you want to break in me?
11. What fears are keeping me from my destiny?
12. When my life is over what talents will I give an account of my stewardship of?
13. If I was an enemy spirit assigned to derail my life and bring destruction to the plans of God for me what would be my strategy?
14. What are the lies that I have given access and influence in my life?
15. Who have you put in my life that inspires me by their character and life journey?
16. What is your definition of success?
17. What are the cultural standards that I feel pressure from? What is your truth?
18. What resources have you brought across my path to help me grow?
19. If I could devote my life to a focus or direction--what would be big enough to be dependent on you for but focused enough to move forward in?
20. As I live in community--what do I observe about myself?--my personality which can only be seen in relationship.
21. What will I be disappointed about if I don't accomplish or experience before you call me home or my health cripples my life?
22. Who are the people that are part of my inner circle of influence? Would you want to make any changes to this group?
23. What would you like for me to complete to bring closure to my current season?
24. What are the practical steps of action--the baby steps you have given to move me into the next season?
25. How do finances factor into the equation? How do you want me to balance wisdom and preparation and faith and dependency upon you?
26. What books would be strategic to truly study and incorporate into my life? The ideas and issues you desire for me to be solid and articulate in.
27. How would you lead me in increasing/strengthening spiritual disciplines to enable my life to withstand the pressure and responsibilities coming in the future?--to prevent burnout and stress fractures that could destroy my life and influence and witness for you.
28. Who do you want me to encourage in their own journey of calling?
29. How does my identity as a woman enable me to better complete what you have prepared for me?
30. What areas of beauty, joy, art, freedom, creativity, spontaneity, peace and grace do you want to grow within me and release out of me?

I know this has been a long post, but I think these questions are full of wisdom and I thought they needed to be shared with the world (or at least, the readers of my blog). Take one or two and chew on them. I think we'll all be better off if we are as intentional about personal growth and transformation as Gloria is!

Love Lesson #1

Learning to hope. Learning to hurt.

Many of you know that I am on a mission this year: to learn to love. I want to be someone who loves others deeply and robustly. Needless to say, I have a ways to go in overcoming self-centeredness, but I have enrolled myself in the course and am learning from my Teacher. My first lesson in love: Learning to hope.

We all do things to protect ourselves from heartache and I think in many ways this is an important and healthy skill to learn. Proverbs tells us we need to guard our hearts because they are the wellspring of life. But I think I have gotten a little too good at this. I hate disappointment, HATE it. And I have learned that one pretty good way to avoid disappointment is not to get my hopes up. If I don't expect much, it's easier to avoid hurt.

This is one way to live, and not the worst way. But God is showing me that this is not the way of love. Love, after all, always hopes. The deepest love is susceptible to the deepest pain. God, who loves the most, in fact IS love, experiences the most pain as he watches those he loves make choices that hurt him, themselves, and others.

Working with high school students, I've seen some thrive, and some struggle, and some make bad choices and fall. I've ached as I've seen students I love walk down a path I wish I could protect them from. And I think somewhere along the way, I started hoping less for them, because then I wouldn't be so disappointed, I wouldn't hurt so much when they fell. If they did well, I could rejoice! But by not letting myself hope, I protected myself from the heartache. 

But now I'm making a choice to hope and pray the best for people. I'm going to let my heart hope, proceed with less caution, and let myself really feel the pain when life continues to be filled with brokenness. I would rather hope deeply and hurt deeply than continue to build walls around my heart that keep me from loving deeply. 

Ah, the DC Local News

Keep watching until the end and you might see someone you know!

The Roaring Twenties

Last year one of my friends told me it's 'pathetic' to throw a birthday party for yourself. This was news to me! Anyone who knows me well (or, let's face it, at all) knows that (1) I am a BIG fan of birthdays, and (2) I love throwing parties for myself. Going away parties, welcome home parties, graduation parties--any excuse for a party--but especially BIRTHDAY PARTIES!! :-)

When I turned 20, I fell prey to this ridiculous idea about throwing parties for yourself being pathetic. I decided I was a little old to be having birthday parties, so I didn't have one. And, well, it was one of my most unspectacular birthdays ever. After that I decided that birthdays are about ME and if I want to throw myself a party, I'll throw myself a party! So with my 29th birthday coming up in 2 days, I thought this would be a good chance to remember some quite excellent--if I do say so myself--birthday parties. If only I had digital pics from all of them!

21: Progressive, Mexican-themed, Fake Alcohol, Dance Party

I will admit I had some help with this one. My mom and Vickie helped me plan a party that involved sombreros, virgin margaritas, sparkling cider, root beer (it was definitely not your typical 21st birthday party), driving across town for different meal courses, and (since this was in my hip hop dancing phase, inspired by the movie Save the Last Dance) ending with my friend Alisa teaching us all a choreographed hip hop dance at Sunnyside Park. To those of you who were there and are still my friends, thank you! ;-)

22: Applebee's and Games at Jesse's House; Quincineta

I think this was the year for games at Jesse's house, so it's quite apropos. Again, I have to thank Liz Gonzales (now Garvin) for taking the lead on planning this one. Although it wasn't themed, I do remember me, Kristen, Liz, and Leslie all showing up in black shirts, completely unplanned. Then the next day, Jesse and I were in a Quincineta for our Campus Life girls. Definitely memorable!

**BEST PARTY TO DATE**

23: World Conquest & RISK Party

This one should really make the history books. What did Alexander the Great, Ghengis Khan, and Hitler all have in common? They all had a 23rd birthday, of course! Oh, and they all tried to conquer the world. This was the party I made each of my friends come dressed as a different world conquerer. The costumes were AMAZING! We had Augustus Caesar, Pinky (from Pinky and the Brain), Alexander the Great, Sauron (Lord of the Rings), Cleopatra, Ghengis Khan, Otto von Bismark, Satan, Jesus, Hitler, Stalin, Veruca Salt (Charlie & the Chocolate Factory), Darth Vader, and more! 

24: Night at the Oscars Party

Another one where I made people come dressed up, but this time in formal attire. I decorated the house with stars (my favorite!) and we even played Celebrity Jeopardy (all about me, of course!)

25: Leaving on a Jet Plane...

On my actual 25th birthday, I was crying on an airplane, beginning my Peace Corps adventure. So my party that year was combined with my goodbye party, the first of many parties held at Kristen & Joel's house! Between the note-making table, the Italian soda bar, the skits people made up about me, and the video I made of me (as several different 'reporters') interviewing myself about the Peace Corps & Kyrgyzstan, it was definitely a bash. I was so blessed by everyone who came!

26: Kyrgyz-Style

Turning 26 in Kyrgyzstan meant I had to have a real 'toy' (Kyrgyz for party, or feast). So I pulled out all the stops, set my dostorkon (table), invited my guests, and celebrated Kyrgyz style (which basically means working and cooking all day long to prepare!). My host mom made my favorite--perojkies--and I made pizza and set the table with the traditional Kyrgyz party fare: borsook, bread, cheese and sausage, cookies, candy, cake, soda, tea, etc. It was exhausting, but fun!

27: Simplicity

27 was probably one of my most low-key birthdays of the 20s. My students brought me a cake and gifts, but mostly, I celebrated in peace. The highlight was the food. I had planned the menu ahead of time and indulged in the more expensive items I couldn't afford to have on a normal basis: Chicken, roasted vegetables, potato chips & onion dip, Coca-cola, and 'roulette'--a tasty cake treat kind of like something you'd find by Hostess :-). It was a sign of the times that these simple things delighted me so much.

27.5: The Half-Assed Half Birthday Party

Most people know that I am also kind of fanatical about celebrating fraction birthdays. It's not uncommon for me to announce, on November 13th, that it is my 1/6 birthday, or on July 13 that it is my 3/4 birthday. So HALF birthdays are actually a pretty big deal! But the idea behind this one is that I'd missed my last 3 birthdays in Fresno and my 28th would be in DC, so it was a way to celebrate my birthday one last time with my California friends. And it was, well, kind of half-assed :-) But it was still tons of fun, and I think the highlight (aside from dancing to the first half of several songs with Derek and Becky) had to be the half-cake Kristen and I auspiciously found at the grocery store! They were really selling, pre-packaged HALF of a cake! Awesome!

28: Gloria, New Friends & Ethiopian Birthday

My first birthday in DC was spectacular, most notably because Gloria came to visit! We had a blast staying up late (2am was the earliest we went to bed any night of her trip), doing the Adams-Morgan Night Crawl, and dancing. On my actual birthday, I invited everyone I knew in DC out for Ethiopian food and was blessed to actually have about 15 people show up, when I had only been in the city for about 3 weeks! 

AND FINALLY... DRUMROLL PLEASE...

29: The Roaring 20s Birthday Soiree

This could very well be my best theme party yet! In honor of the LAST birthday of my magnificent 20s (and my roommate Arnila's 26th birthday, which was on the 8th), we are having a 1920s Flapper party on the 18th, during which our house will be turned into a speakeasy of the good ol' Prohibition days! Everyone is coming dressed up in 1920s attire, and we're serving cocktails and appetizers (complete with 1920s novelties such as Baby Ruth candy bars, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and Hostess Cupcakes), and we'll be playing some great 20s music! I can't wait to kick of the 30th year of my life with a fantastic party that Arnila & I are THROWING FOR OURSELVES! :-)

As I see it, birthdays are NOT the time for humility. Celebrate yourself! I know I do :-)

I Ran... I Failed.

The other day I was walking to the bus stop to go to work when I crossed paths with my bus--36 to Friendship Heights--at a red light. So I did what any car-less DC local would do: I ran. It was two blocks to my bus stop and there was a good chance I'd make it if the lights cooperated. And I did--just in time! I ran onto the bus, swiped my SmarTrip card and reveled in my victory as I caught my breath. 

Unfortunately, my victory was short-lived. My reading on mediation across cultures was rudely interrupted when, what I thought was about halfway through my commute, the bus driver announced that we had arrived at the last stop, Foggy Bottom. Whaaaat? I must have gotten on the wrong bus! I stumbled off, disoriented, not knowing exactly where I was or the best way to get to school from there, and scrambled to make it to work 10 minutes late (when I should have been 15 minutes early, had things gone as planned). My running had clearly NOT paid off.

This reminded me of the time Derek and I were trying to get to the National Harbor and we ran to catch our train, only to find out one stop later that we had gotten on the yellow line instead of the green line, and had to totally backtrack. 

All the rushing, in both these cases, actually only cost me more time in the end.

I'm not a person who likes to rush. I'm not good at jumping from one thing to the next without time to decompress and then mentally prepare. I'm not good at making quick decisions on limited information (clearly). After college, it took me two years before I set out for the Peace Corps. And after coming back from Kyrgyzstan, it was 9 months before my move to DC. I like to take my time, gather all the information, weigh decisions, and THEN move forward. Jumping quickly, well, that's just not the way I roll.

I admire people who can make fast decisions and move fast to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves. Of course leaps involve risks (like, for example, getting on the wrong bus or train), but I could be challenged to take a few more risks in certain areas. However, that being said, I do think there is great value in waiting, being still, and taking time to process before making big decisions. I recently read a blog post by my old youth pastor, Tim Clark, about declining opportunity for momentum in a culture that tells us: If you're not moving, you're dying. The story of Elijah tells us that God is not necessarily in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire--those big showy places we might expect him, those things that communicate loudly and powerfully. No, God is in the stillness. But if we are constantly jumping from one thing to the next, we will miss him.

For me, sometimes the challenge is the take the risk, make the jump, and not be afraid of being wrong. But I think there is also a severe problem if we are people who can't stand to be still. Because I really don't think God moves at the hyper-caffeinated American pace. I think most of the time, he's waiting for us to slow down. He wants to speak to us, but he can't do it if we're half a mile ahead of him, running after wind and earthquakes and fires.

All I know is, I'm not gonna be running after busses or trains anytime again soon.

Stuff Christian Culture Likes

Many of you have probably heard of the Stuff White People Like blog, which has cracked me up on many occasions. The other day, a friend tipped me off to the site, Stuff Christian Culture Likes, which has brought me much amusement as well. Check it out. Laugh. Cringe. Identify.