Love Lesson #1

Learning to hope. Learning to hurt.

Many of you know that I am on a mission this year: to learn to love. I want to be someone who loves others deeply and robustly. Needless to say, I have a ways to go in overcoming self-centeredness, but I have enrolled myself in the course and am learning from my Teacher. My first lesson in love: Learning to hope.

We all do things to protect ourselves from heartache and I think in many ways this is an important and healthy skill to learn. Proverbs tells us we need to guard our hearts because they are the wellspring of life. But I think I have gotten a little too good at this. I hate disappointment, HATE it. And I have learned that one pretty good way to avoid disappointment is not to get my hopes up. If I don't expect much, it's easier to avoid hurt.

This is one way to live, and not the worst way. But God is showing me that this is not the way of love. Love, after all, always hopes. The deepest love is susceptible to the deepest pain. God, who loves the most, in fact IS love, experiences the most pain as he watches those he loves make choices that hurt him, themselves, and others.

Working with high school students, I've seen some thrive, and some struggle, and some make bad choices and fall. I've ached as I've seen students I love walk down a path I wish I could protect them from. And I think somewhere along the way, I started hoping less for them, because then I wouldn't be so disappointed, I wouldn't hurt so much when they fell. If they did well, I could rejoice! But by not letting myself hope, I protected myself from the heartache. 

But now I'm making a choice to hope and pray the best for people. I'm going to let my heart hope, proceed with less caution, and let myself really feel the pain when life continues to be filled with brokenness. I would rather hope deeply and hurt deeply than continue to build walls around my heart that keep me from loving deeply. 

Ah, the DC Local News

Keep watching until the end and you might see someone you know!

The Roaring Twenties

Last year one of my friends told me it's 'pathetic' to throw a birthday party for yourself. This was news to me! Anyone who knows me well (or, let's face it, at all) knows that (1) I am a BIG fan of birthdays, and (2) I love throwing parties for myself. Going away parties, welcome home parties, graduation parties--any excuse for a party--but especially BIRTHDAY PARTIES!! :-)

When I turned 20, I fell prey to this ridiculous idea about throwing parties for yourself being pathetic. I decided I was a little old to be having birthday parties, so I didn't have one. And, well, it was one of my most unspectacular birthdays ever. After that I decided that birthdays are about ME and if I want to throw myself a party, I'll throw myself a party! So with my 29th birthday coming up in 2 days, I thought this would be a good chance to remember some quite excellent--if I do say so myself--birthday parties. If only I had digital pics from all of them!

21: Progressive, Mexican-themed, Fake Alcohol, Dance Party

I will admit I had some help with this one. My mom and Vickie helped me plan a party that involved sombreros, virgin margaritas, sparkling cider, root beer (it was definitely not your typical 21st birthday party), driving across town for different meal courses, and (since this was in my hip hop dancing phase, inspired by the movie Save the Last Dance) ending with my friend Alisa teaching us all a choreographed hip hop dance at Sunnyside Park. To those of you who were there and are still my friends, thank you! ;-)

22: Applebee's and Games at Jesse's House; Quincineta

I think this was the year for games at Jesse's house, so it's quite apropos. Again, I have to thank Liz Gonzales (now Garvin) for taking the lead on planning this one. Although it wasn't themed, I do remember me, Kristen, Liz, and Leslie all showing up in black shirts, completely unplanned. Then the next day, Jesse and I were in a Quincineta for our Campus Life girls. Definitely memorable!

**BEST PARTY TO DATE**

23: World Conquest & RISK Party

This one should really make the history books. What did Alexander the Great, Ghengis Khan, and Hitler all have in common? They all had a 23rd birthday, of course! Oh, and they all tried to conquer the world. This was the party I made each of my friends come dressed as a different world conquerer. The costumes were AMAZING! We had Augustus Caesar, Pinky (from Pinky and the Brain), Alexander the Great, Sauron (Lord of the Rings), Cleopatra, Ghengis Khan, Otto von Bismark, Satan, Jesus, Hitler, Stalin, Veruca Salt (Charlie & the Chocolate Factory), Darth Vader, and more! 

24: Night at the Oscars Party

Another one where I made people come dressed up, but this time in formal attire. I decorated the house with stars (my favorite!) and we even played Celebrity Jeopardy (all about me, of course!)

25: Leaving on a Jet Plane...

On my actual 25th birthday, I was crying on an airplane, beginning my Peace Corps adventure. So my party that year was combined with my goodbye party, the first of many parties held at Kristen & Joel's house! Between the note-making table, the Italian soda bar, the skits people made up about me, and the video I made of me (as several different 'reporters') interviewing myself about the Peace Corps & Kyrgyzstan, it was definitely a bash. I was so blessed by everyone who came!

26: Kyrgyz-Style

Turning 26 in Kyrgyzstan meant I had to have a real 'toy' (Kyrgyz for party, or feast). So I pulled out all the stops, set my dostorkon (table), invited my guests, and celebrated Kyrgyz style (which basically means working and cooking all day long to prepare!). My host mom made my favorite--perojkies--and I made pizza and set the table with the traditional Kyrgyz party fare: borsook, bread, cheese and sausage, cookies, candy, cake, soda, tea, etc. It was exhausting, but fun!

27: Simplicity

27 was probably one of my most low-key birthdays of the 20s. My students brought me a cake and gifts, but mostly, I celebrated in peace. The highlight was the food. I had planned the menu ahead of time and indulged in the more expensive items I couldn't afford to have on a normal basis: Chicken, roasted vegetables, potato chips & onion dip, Coca-cola, and 'roulette'--a tasty cake treat kind of like something you'd find by Hostess :-). It was a sign of the times that these simple things delighted me so much.

27.5: The Half-Assed Half Birthday Party

Most people know that I am also kind of fanatical about celebrating fraction birthdays. It's not uncommon for me to announce, on November 13th, that it is my 1/6 birthday, or on July 13 that it is my 3/4 birthday. So HALF birthdays are actually a pretty big deal! But the idea behind this one is that I'd missed my last 3 birthdays in Fresno and my 28th would be in DC, so it was a way to celebrate my birthday one last time with my California friends. And it was, well, kind of half-assed :-) But it was still tons of fun, and I think the highlight (aside from dancing to the first half of several songs with Derek and Becky) had to be the half-cake Kristen and I auspiciously found at the grocery store! They were really selling, pre-packaged HALF of a cake! Awesome!

28: Gloria, New Friends & Ethiopian Birthday

My first birthday in DC was spectacular, most notably because Gloria came to visit! We had a blast staying up late (2am was the earliest we went to bed any night of her trip), doing the Adams-Morgan Night Crawl, and dancing. On my actual birthday, I invited everyone I knew in DC out for Ethiopian food and was blessed to actually have about 15 people show up, when I had only been in the city for about 3 weeks! 

AND FINALLY... DRUMROLL PLEASE...

29: The Roaring 20s Birthday Soiree

This could very well be my best theme party yet! In honor of the LAST birthday of my magnificent 20s (and my roommate Arnila's 26th birthday, which was on the 8th), we are having a 1920s Flapper party on the 18th, during which our house will be turned into a speakeasy of the good ol' Prohibition days! Everyone is coming dressed up in 1920s attire, and we're serving cocktails and appetizers (complete with 1920s novelties such as Baby Ruth candy bars, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and Hostess Cupcakes), and we'll be playing some great 20s music! I can't wait to kick of the 30th year of my life with a fantastic party that Arnila & I are THROWING FOR OURSELVES! :-)

As I see it, birthdays are NOT the time for humility. Celebrate yourself! I know I do :-)

I Ran... I Failed.

The other day I was walking to the bus stop to go to work when I crossed paths with my bus--36 to Friendship Heights--at a red light. So I did what any car-less DC local would do: I ran. It was two blocks to my bus stop and there was a good chance I'd make it if the lights cooperated. And I did--just in time! I ran onto the bus, swiped my SmarTrip card and reveled in my victory as I caught my breath. 

Unfortunately, my victory was short-lived. My reading on mediation across cultures was rudely interrupted when, what I thought was about halfway through my commute, the bus driver announced that we had arrived at the last stop, Foggy Bottom. Whaaaat? I must have gotten on the wrong bus! I stumbled off, disoriented, not knowing exactly where I was or the best way to get to school from there, and scrambled to make it to work 10 minutes late (when I should have been 15 minutes early, had things gone as planned). My running had clearly NOT paid off.

This reminded me of the time Derek and I were trying to get to the National Harbor and we ran to catch our train, only to find out one stop later that we had gotten on the yellow line instead of the green line, and had to totally backtrack. 

All the rushing, in both these cases, actually only cost me more time in the end.

I'm not a person who likes to rush. I'm not good at jumping from one thing to the next without time to decompress and then mentally prepare. I'm not good at making quick decisions on limited information (clearly). After college, it took me two years before I set out for the Peace Corps. And after coming back from Kyrgyzstan, it was 9 months before my move to DC. I like to take my time, gather all the information, weigh decisions, and THEN move forward. Jumping quickly, well, that's just not the way I roll.

I admire people who can make fast decisions and move fast to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves. Of course leaps involve risks (like, for example, getting on the wrong bus or train), but I could be challenged to take a few more risks in certain areas. However, that being said, I do think there is great value in waiting, being still, and taking time to process before making big decisions. I recently read a blog post by my old youth pastor, Tim Clark, about declining opportunity for momentum in a culture that tells us: If you're not moving, you're dying. The story of Elijah tells us that God is not necessarily in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire--those big showy places we might expect him, those things that communicate loudly and powerfully. No, God is in the stillness. But if we are constantly jumping from one thing to the next, we will miss him.

For me, sometimes the challenge is the take the risk, make the jump, and not be afraid of being wrong. But I think there is also a severe problem if we are people who can't stand to be still. Because I really don't think God moves at the hyper-caffeinated American pace. I think most of the time, he's waiting for us to slow down. He wants to speak to us, but he can't do it if we're half a mile ahead of him, running after wind and earthquakes and fires.

All I know is, I'm not gonna be running after busses or trains anytime again soon.

Stuff Christian Culture Likes

Many of you have probably heard of the Stuff White People Like blog, which has cracked me up on many occasions. The other day, a friend tipped me off to the site, Stuff Christian Culture Likes, which has brought me much amusement as well. Check it out. Laugh. Cringe. Identify.