Absence & Presence

A couple readings that stood out to me today:

We complain that God does not make himself present to us for the few minutes we reserve for him, but what about the twenty-three and a half hours during which God may be knocking at our door and we answer, "I am busy.  I am sorry."  Or when we do not answer at all because we do not even hear the knock at the door of our heart, our mind, of our conscience, of our life. So there is a situation in which we have no right to complain of the absence of God, because we are a great deal more absent than he ever is.  -Anthony Bloom

Obedience is indispensable.  Not to a static code, however helpful it may be at times.  But obedience to God, who is present with us in every situation and is speaking to us all the time. Every obedience, however small (if any obedience is ever small) quickens our sensitivity to him and our capacity to understand him and so makes more real our sense of his presence.  -From The Captivating Presence by Albert Edward Day

President Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bono & Purple Gate Woes: An Inauguration to Remember

Last weekend, we all know, was historic.  It's difficult to put into words just how incredible it was to be here in DC for all the festivities with millions of other people full of hope, to be a first-hand witness to what I'm sure will be one of the most pivotal events in my lifetime. Several friends and family conveyed their jealousy to me, and my response was that I'm almost jealous of myself!

The festivities began on Sunday with the Inauguration Welcome Concert at the Lincoln Memorial.  It was certainly the highlight of my Inauguration experience!  Having arrived with friends when the gates opened at 8am, we got a pretty good spot on the Mall and camped out eating and playing games until the concert began at 2:30.  You know when a concert kicks off with Bruce Springsteen and a full choir, it's gonna be a good one!

And we were not disappointed.  How can you be disappointed when you can't decide: Was the highlight Stevie Wonder singing 'Higher Ground'?  Or Mary J. Blige singing 'Lean on Me'?  But what about Tom Hanks' tribute to Abraham Lincoln?  Garth Brooks' rendition of 'Miss American Pie'?  Or maybe it was James Taylor, or John Legend, or Beyonce, or Usher, or Will.i.am, or Steve Carell, or Samuel L. Jackson, or Denzel Washington, or Jamie Foxx?  How in the world can you beat seeing Bono sing 'In the Name of Love'??  However, the highlight for me was seeing Barack Obama and hearing him speak in person for the first time.

I know that picture is woefully small, but if you look very hard near the center, you can see Barack and Michelle Obama walking down the steps.  Of all the places to hear him speak for the first time, I don't think anything can top the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.  Standing in the same place Martin Luther King Jr. gave his 'I Have a Dream Speech' 40+ years ago, Barack Obama addressed the nation on the eve of his Inauguration as the first African American president of the United States, fulfilling that dream in a very real way.  We were profoundly touched; it is an experience that will indelibly fixed in my memory.

As for the actual Inauguration, it is not quite as exciting, but an experience nonetheless!  A couple days after the election, I requested an Inauguration ticket from my Congressional Representative, but was immediately put on the waiting list (tickets are free, but limited, and only required for entrance to the areas closest to the Capitol building).  They said they had received requests numbering three times the amount of tickets available!  I assumed I would simply go to the Mall on Inauguration Day with the millions of other non-ticketed attendees, but the Friday before the event, I received an email that there had been a cancellation and there was a ticket available!  

So on Inauguration Day, I, with so many others, woke at 5am (something those who know me know I do NOT do for just anything!), bundled up for 20 degree weather, and headed downtown to the Purple Gate Entrance.  By the time I arrived at 6:30am (1.5 hours before the gate opened, and 5 hours before the ceremony began), the line was already at least a mile long, the bulk of which was inside the 3rd street tunnel.  Have you ever been contained in a tunnel with tens of thousands of other people?  It's a little scary!     

To make a long, sad story as short as possible, the thousands of us (all with purple tickets) pictured here stood in line for 5+ hours and finally emerged from the tunnel to find that we were in a line to nowhere.  There was no one telling us what to do or where to go, just a giant horde of people all heading to what we thought was the Purple Gate, only to find it closed!  It was a mess, a fiasco, and a disappointment to say the least.  No one was there to explain to us what was going on, and by the time we figured out we weren't getting in the gate, it was too late to go anywhere else.

So at 11:30, with nowhere to go, no screens to watch, an unable to hear anything, I called Kristen.  Like so many others around me, my experience of the Inauguration was, standing behind a closed gate just a few hundred feet from the Capitol building, listening to it on speaker phone from California, or New York, or Nebraska, or Texas.  

And somehow, despite the tragedy of not being able to get inside, I still felt as though I was 'there.'  There was something poignant about watching thousands of people clamor around cell phones to hear the oath and address of our new president.  Full of hope and anticipation, we knew we were witnesses to history.  I was there!

Goodbye, Winter Break

My delightful 5 weeks off from school comes to an end today.  What have I been up to for the last month?  Here's the breakdown, in bullet points (what else did you expect from me?):

• Lots of TV-watching: Friends Seasons 5, 6, 7 & 8; Family Ties Season 1; Arrested Development Seasons 1, 2 & 3
• Reading lots of books ranging from inspiring to brain-numbing: The Moral Imagination by John Paul Lederach; I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max; Runaway Jury by John Grisham; Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs; and Finding Faith: A Search for What's Real by Brian McLaren
• 2 nights out at The Diner in Adams Morgan
• 2 wonderful weeks in California
• 2 wonderful Christmas celebrations with 2 wonderful families
• Record-setting hours of sleep
• 2 shots of tequila, 3 kamikazes, 1 failed Vodka & Cran attempt, several glasses of champagne, too much Gin & Tonic 
• 2 nights of karaoke, with performances including 'NSYNC, Jay-Z (after 2 songs, we were consequently banned from singing Jay-Z), Christina Aguilera, Fergie, Bette Midler, and more...
• 2 nights of dancing at Deja
• Possibly the best New Years Eve I've ever had
• 2 DC-on-foot cards (National Cathedral and Union Station)
• Lots of amazing food with amazing friends Kristen, Steve, Derek, Becky, Jen, Cassy, Rachelle, Josh, Hannah, Bekah, Jason, Katie, and Sarah.
• New friends Ralph, Melissa, Markie, and David ;-)
• Only 2 personal crises
• 1 trip to Santa Cruz, 1 lost (and then found) cell phone, 2 traffic tickets
• 1 haircut by the amazing Aimee (if you need a stylist in Fresno, let me know; she's great!)
• 1 night on Derek's couch, 1 night in Becky's housesitting bed, 1 night on Derek's air mattress, and 1 night in Kristen's spare bedroom
• 2 new star shirts, 2 new pairs of star earrings, and 1 new star purse
• 1 new (and much appreciated) digital camera (thanks Steve!!)
• 276 new pictures with said camera
• Sadly, only 1 serving of Yodigity frozen yogurt
• 1 blind date
• 9 new books for next semester's classes

I'd call that a success!  Tomorrow I'll start my second semester of grad school with Conflict Analysis & Resolution: Theory and Practice, and I'll continue Thursday with Comparative Peace Processes and Dialogue: Approaches and Applications.  It should be a good, albeit busy, 4 months.  So, goodbye, Winter Break!  We had a blast, but now it's time to move on.  Bring on the semester!

It Ain't Always Easy

Why do you spend money for what is not bread,

And your wages for what does not satisfy?

Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,

And delight yourself in abundance.

Isaiah 55:2

I'm learning that what is good for me is often counterintuitive.  Doing what I feel like doing doesn't always satisfy, even though it may seem to hit the spot at the time.  Example: Yesterday I woke up and wanted nothing more than to just spend the day in bed being lazy.  It seemed so right to have a lazy Sunday afternoon indoors, out of the cold; especially since it is the last one I may have for a while, seeing as classes start on Wednesday.  So I did it.  I stayed in my pajamas all day and watched the entire second season of Arrested Development.  It was delightful... for a while.  Then all of a sudden I realized it was 9pm, I had been watching TV for 9 hours, had only exited the basement once, and hadn't been outside all day.  I had an overwhelming desire at that point to GET OUT.  But it was too late; it was dark and cold and there was nothing left to do outside.  I felt yucky.

I imagine some of you have had similar experiences.  I remember another time I indulged in an unlimited Dorito-eating spree.  I love Nacho Cheese Doritos; they are probably my favorite junk food snack.  But when I was done with my spree, I had that familiar feeling: yuck.  Coupled with the realization that what I had just eaten without restraint was nothing but crap.  My body was not happy.

I contrast this with the feeling I have when I am eating nutritious food and exercising.  I know it's a bit cliche, but my body truly is happy.  I feel good, energetic, confident.  The same is true when I incorporate disciplines into my life like journaling, thinking/reflecting, enjoying silence, and listening to God, rather than filling my time with TV, movies, brainless books, and the Internet.  My soul is happy when I do these things.  I feel balanced and healthy.  Those latter things are not inherently bad, but I think they are often substitutions for the things my spirit is really longing.  Money spent on what is not bread, wages on what does not satisfy.

So the dilemma arises: If what I feel like doing isn't necessarily what is good for me, if I can't trust myself to know what will truly satisfy, what do I do?  How do I decide on what to spend my wages?  There isn't a clear cut answer, but I think the verse in Isaiah provides direction: (1) "Listen carefully to Me."  I need to seek God, and obey even when what He is telling me may not be what I feel like doing, trusting that He knows what I need.  (2) "Eat what is good."  It doesn't take a genius to figure out that an apple is better for me than a bowl of Doritos.  To a large extent, I know what is healthy for my life, and I simply need to make good choices even if what I know will satisfy in the long-run isn't what I'm craving in the moment. 

Doing what is healthy isn't always easy.  Making the choice to run when I want to stay inside. Making the choice to put the box of Cheez-Its away when I want to eat the whole thing. Making the choice to spend time with God when Season 3 of Arrested Development is calling my name.  And certainly it's also part of being healthy to treat myself and indulge every once in a while.  But the truth is that even though what satisfies is often counterintuitive, a life spent eating what is good is one of fruitfulness.  And in that place I can truly "delight [my]self in abundance."

2008...

...The Year of the 'New' Lisa.  It's been a crazy ride!  Back from Kyrgyzstan, it was a year of adjustment, exploration, venturing into new horizons, making mistakes, learning about myself, being stretched, and growth.  For better and for worse--and in no particular order--the things I will think of when I remember 2008:

• Laughing so hard I almost wet my pants, numerous times

• No guilt
  
• Rejecting duty and 'shoulds'
• Consequently, a notable lack of discipline
• Directing Buchanan Campus Life AGAIN!  Didn't see that one coming!

• Not attending and radically rethinking church
  
• Being real, releasing control, not being responsible for others' decisions and responses
• Trips with Derek & Becky
• Fun times with Suzanne & Matt

• Making my peace with The Well
  
• Gloria... in March (Bethel Saloon), June (White Trash), and September (Adams Morgan Night Crawl)

• Campus Life Curriculum: 40 hours a week, for 5 weeks
• The Inner Circle: What in the world would I do without them?
• Kristen is pregnant and has Evie!

• Andi
  
• Substitute Teaching
• Gin & Tonic, Kamizakes, Tequila!

• Fibbers
  
• Gay Clubs
• Sweet potatoes and long conversations with BK
• Karaoke

• The last Going-Away party... leaving Fresno for real
  
• Counseling
• Starting Grad School

• Discovering Interactive Conflict Resolution
  
• Saturation
• Miami

• Purple Saturn
• "F**k you, cathedral-goer!" -Crazy Aunt Clare
• The Half-Assed Half Birthday Party

• Book Study that turned into Saturdays with Jason
  
• Moving Derek... Becky and I single-handedly moving the couch down the stairs... Miscellaneous Junk... Christmas Trees... Attics
• Dancing!

• Rachelle, Cassy, Whittney, Billy, Robin
  
• Dropping the ball on long-distance friendships
• Sitting with Josh
• Barack Obama!

• Drama, and then some more drama
  
• Communicating... and communicating... and communicating
• Pacific Northwest Road Trip with Steve & Eric

• Becoming a nanny
• Inconsistent time spent with God/Re-learning how to spend time with God/Experiencing God in new ways
• PB&J

• Freedom
  
• AIM and Facebook (hours and hours and hours...)
• Love

And now I look forward to a 2009 of following, centering, listening, health, and wholeness. God bless us all on our journeys!