Last year about this time, I wrote a blog post entitled Trust. I wrote about how I was in a unique position of being forced to make decisions without having "enough" information about what the future would hold. I wrote about how in that time, God was calling me to trust him, to seek him for answers, to listen to him, and to step out in faith in the direction he led me. This year, once again, I find myself in almost the exact same position. Transition is once again staring me in the face and decisions have to be made. Do I sub-let my room in my house while I'm in Morocco, or move out entirely (not knowing if I will have a job to come back to in July)? Do I buy a ticket back to DC at the end of my vacation, or leave it open because I don't know if or where I'll get a job? Do I accept a job offer because it provides security or wait for the dream position? The questions go on and on. And it's difficult to make decisions about housing and travel when you have no idea where or if you will be working in 3 months!
So yes, I'm back in that place of making decisions without the information I "need." But you know what? That worked out so perfectly last time I had to do it (see An Anchor for my Soul and It Doesn't Always Have to be Hard) that this time I'm not really worried at all, I am mostly just excited! So yes, I am seeking God for answers for the decisions that have to be made and enjoying trusting him and looking forward to seeing what my life looks like in July! He has been so good and so faithful at every turn, I find myself in a place of having even less reason to doubt that he will be good and faithful again than I did a year ago.
But this time around, I have sensed God leading me beyond just seeking him for specific answers to my specific dilemmas. Last week I read this in my devotional, based on Ecclesiastes 14-15:
Happy are you who meditate on wisdom,
who reflect in your heart on her ways
and ponder her secrets,
who listen for her on life's pathways
and look for her at every turn.
She will come to meet you like a mother
and like a young lover she will welcome you.
As I read this, I was reminded of my great need for wisdom, and challenged in this season of unknowns by God's call not just to seek him for specific answers, but to be a person who meditates and reflects on wisdom. Not to worry about or focus on isolated decisions, but to ponder wisdom's secrets, to listen and look for her at every junction. This season is not just an opportunity to trust and seek God, but to seek and learn wisdom. And the promise is that she will meet and welcome me enthusiastically! Not grudgingly, as if she wish she hadn't been found.
In light of this, God has led me to read and meditate on Proverbs through the end of the semester. I'm enjoying the process, and keeping my eyes and ears open for wisdom's insights.
May God grant us all wisdom for life, even in the midst of the crisis moments when what we think we need most are answers.
