Top Ten Reasons Your Church Might Get Negative Points...

So church hunting sucks, I think we can all agree on that.  Church can be wonderful, but finding one in a new city is an arduous process.  I was talking to Derek today and he jokingly suggested that I come up with a rating system and rate all the churches I try in DC.  I don't know if I will go that far, but if I did, these ten things would certainly earn negative points...

10.  The website claims you are a place of contemplation, but when I walk in the room I am immediately accosted by audiovisual stimuli to make my head spin.

9.  The service kicks off with 4 drumstick clicks, followed by a rockin' good worship time.

8.  The worship leader at any time says we have to stand up because 'this one is a pumper.'

7.  You are located in an ethnically diverse neighborhood, yet the church is full of white people. Pretty white people at that (can anyone say 'A Team'?  That was for you, Jen :-) ).

6.  The singers, needing to be even more pretty because they are on stage, are dressed like Abercrombie & Fitch models.

5.  I close my eyes for a split-second at the end of worship and open them to find the band and MC have seamlessly and silently switched places on stage during the 'transition prayer.'

4.  The sermon starts and instead of seeing a real person, I feel like I am watching Comedy Central on 4 screens.

3.  The word 'awesome' is used more than 5 times during the service.  

2.  The whole sermon is done in yell-mode.  Angry, no.  Superhuman-sustained intensity, yes. You really don't have to speak so loudly, I'm sitting right here.  Oh, but wait.  You don't know that.  Because you are a video.

1.  Because of all the videos, loud music, fancy-schmancy lights, and yelling, I leave feeling more tense than when I arrived and need to spend quiet time with God to recuperate from church.

On a more serious note, I had another thought today.  I have often heard people say that we may not like it when churches get big, but we have to admit that God is doing something when they do.  I have always agreed with this statement, acknowledging that God works in all kinds of ways, even ways I (*gasp!*) don't like.  Now I am not saying that God is necessarily NOT moving when churches grow, but tonight I had the thought: When did we come to associate growth and popularity with the hand of God?  When thousands of people camp out overnight to buy Britney Spears concert tickets, is that God moving?  When high school students all shop at the same clothing stores, is God doing something?  When a restaurant chain sees a huge increase in its popularity, do we say, 'Man, God must be working there!'  Yet, when a church grows, we say God must be moving.  But maybe that is not necessarily the case. After all, Scripture records Jesus actually losing followers because his teaching was too difficult.  Is it possible that growth is not inherently a sign of God's work, but rather of good advertising and popular appeal?  Is this what the Church is supposed to be?  Good advertisers who appeal to people's sense of fashion? 

Food for thought.  Certainly not without blind spots, but mind food nonetheless.