A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
-Jesus
Really?
As much as I heard this verse growing up, the subliminal (or not so subliminal) message at church was not, They will know you by your love. No, the message went something like this:
They will know you by your theology.
They will know you by your views on abortion and homosexuality.
They will know you by the fact that you don't:
Swear
Drink
Dance
Have Sex
Ever Seem Sad
They will know you because you go to church on Sundays.
They will know you by your smile and generally upbeat demeanor.
They will know you because you evangelize.
Essentially, they will know you because you follow the rules. And I, my friends, am very good at following rules. Following rules is easy. Follow the rules and you're 'in'; don't follow and you're 'out'. That is easy! Black and white, just the way I like it. It is also a perfect breeding ground for judgment.
Not only am I an exceptional rule-follower but I am also an extraordinary judge. Growing up in church trained me to judge. For instance, for much of my life, I could tell you, with great accuracy, who is a Christian and who is not. Based on this information, I could then discern who is going to heaven and who to hell. And as if this is not enough, I could judge quite well between the 'good' Christians, and those who were, well, 'scraping by by the skin of their teeth.' Yes, I was the master at putting people into categories, all easily deduced by whether or not they follow the rules.
The 'judgmental Christian' is a cliche in American society, and I don't mean to imply that all Christians are judgmental or that judgment is the only thing I learned from church. I am grateful for many things about the church I grew up in, but that would be the topic of many more blog posts. What I am realizing lately is just how deeply and thoroughly judgment has permeated my concept of being a Christian. I have felt it is my duty to judge. And in recent years, I have begun to see how horrible and ugly judgment is, how it destroys people, how it encourages dishonesty and inauthenticity, how it excludes people and pushes them away from God. How many times I have hurt people, cut them to the quick, and made them not want to be around me because of my judgmental words and attitude. Jesus, on the other hand, was the example of embrace, not exclusion. So how in the world have we gotten to this place?
Jesus said the road is narrow that leads to salvation. I believe it is true. But I also believe that for much of my life, even though I walked a narrow road, it wasn't necessarily the narrow road Jesus was talking about. What if the narrow road defined by rule-following, which engenders judgment, is going in a totally different direction than the narrow road on which Jesus wants to lead us? Maybe, then, the only way to find Jesus' narrow road is to broaden the road we're on.
Letting go of so many of the lines I have drawn for myself has brought confusion as I try to sort through what it all means, what it means to follow Jesus without rules. But I think I need to stop asking, 'What is the rule?' and start asking 'What does it mean to show love?' I don't want to judge anymore. It's too hard, too tiring. I can't figure it out, and I can't fix it. I just want to love, and learn to love.
For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
-Paul
5 comments:
Diddo my friend. Beautifully written
Well said, I'm the exact same way.. like, right now i'm a very judgemental person. I didn't realize it until a friend said "please don't judge me tonight", as if that were opposed to all the other nights that i was being judgemental. I always wondered why there is this wierd awkward tension between me and anyone i talk to, it's because i'm judging every action, every word they say!
It really sucks, because i never thought i was that kind of person, how could i not notice that?!
more importantly, how the hell do i get rid of it? what's the solution?
Hi Dan. Thanks for the comment. The only solution I know of so far: love. Love people in a way that they can receive it as love (not in the complicated 'tough love' way we are taught at church). Love people so they feel loved. Good luck to you; we are all on this journey together.
I'm afraid of how this will sound. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be fair. So, if I've goofed up here, I hope you'll forgive me. I know I probably shouldn't post but it's been on my mind and I've bitten my tongue a lot recently to avoid saying it to anyone in anger.
Some of the things you've outlined in this entry big part of why I'm not Christian or religious. I think I'm too judgmental--I don't want the illusion of having perfect, divine, objective truth on my side. And no, I'm really not trying to say that I think religious people are judgmental. All people, when you get down to it, are judgmental. I just worry that I might be worse if I were religious at this point in my life. ^^;
I know this is an old blog entry, but I am researching for a sermon and am basically going to call out the church for being judgmental.
You should check out the book titled, "UnChristian" it has a great chapter on judgmental.
And even though no one will ever read this I must respond to the last comment, I think it is important to realize even in your own comment, that the common denominator of judgement seems to be human beings, not religion. It seems like you have a skeptical nature to you and a humble honesty, and if you search out truth with that heart you will encounter it.
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